²⁰Yes, brother, let me benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ. ²¹Having confidence in your obedience, I write to you, since I know that you will do even more than what I say.

Having referred to Onesimus as his spiritual child (vs. 10), and as a “beloved brother” (vs. 16), Paul addresses Philemon as “brother.” This letter provides a classic example of the spiritual family life of believers. Conflict resolution, if we may thus call the present situation, is not just a business deal where all parties must come to an equitable, working solution to a problem. It is certainly not like interoffice politics, where a certain equilibrium must be maintained. This is family stuff; we are all spiritual siblings with God as our Father. Paul does not forget this, and he won’t let Philemon forget it either. Onesimus is now part of the family.

Within the context of family, we call on each other to help out in our time of need. Paul’s need is for refreshment. Interestingly, he who knew imprisonment quite intimately would not use this metaphor glibly. He knew not only physical thirst but spiritual thirst. And in Philemon, he sees an opportunity for satisfying that thirst. His comment reflects the beatitude, “Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied” (Matt. 5:6). He thirsts to know that his ministry to Philemon will bear the fruit of righteousness. So he says, “Refresh my heart in Christ.”

This is quite interesting: the apostle never asked for financial support for himself, but he did not hesitate to ask for spiritual help. In doing so, he humbly indebted himself to the spiritual benevolence of others. This is the sort of thing that binds believers today; we become humble enough to seek and accept the grace of others. In this case, Paul sought the grace of Philemon in satisfying his thirst for a righteous response to his request that his new child in the faith, Onesimus, would be lovingly received into Philemon’s Christian family circle.

On the one hand, Paul is confident in Philemon, that he will do the right thing. On the other hand, considering the flow of this letter, he is also implying, “Don’t disappoint my confidence in you.” This double thrust adds to the compelling nature of Paul’s message. The letter then, is best seen as an appeal to continue in the “love and of the faith which you have toward all the saints” (vs. 5). We believers need constant encouragement to keep doing what we are already doing. We never arrive at a state where righteous living is a given; we need to encourage each other to continue doing the good we are doing.

Lord, help us encourage one another, just as we are doing. (1 Thess. 5:11)