Often neglected, this instruction to the fathers may be the most crucial influence in a child’s life. First, it is to be noticed that Paul addresses fathers, not parents. There is another word he could have used had he intended this for both mother and father, but he didn’t. Second, of all the things he could address to fathers, this rises to the top in Paul’s mind. He only uses this term provoke to anger one other time, in Romans 10:19 where he quotes a prophecy of God provoking Israel to anger using another nation invading them. Fathers, however, are not to do that to their children.

There are many ways a father can provoke a child to anger: being unduly harsh, expecting behavior beyond what a child is capable of, excessive discipline, unrelenting teasing, sexual or physical abuse, emotional manipulation and even continuous neglect. Of course, different children have different temperaments and express their anger differently. Some children out of fear, suppress their anger, only to have it boil over during the teenage years or later. It is difficult for them, as children, to learn how to “be angry, and yet do not sin” (Eph 4:26). That is something the parents need to teach children, but it becomes extremely difficult, if not impossible, to learn that if the father is provoking them to anger! Growing up with provoked anger makes for an inadequate preparation for the conflicts and tensions that are the normal part of life.

Fathers should, rather, invest the time, energy and interest into their children, focusing on discipline and godly instruction. Discipline is not synonymous with punishment. It is much more than that. It is teaching the child through positive example, instructions, training in all aspects of life. From helping them to learn to play baseball, to handling rejection and failure, to helping those less fortunate (and a myriad of other things indispensable to godly living). This is more than occasionally showing up to bark out instructions. “Bring them up” implies time spent with them, going through life together. Moses wrote it this way, “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up” (Deut 6:7). To be sure a man must work to support his family, and this may involve large amounts of time away from home. However, it is the rest of his time that makes the difference.