28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body.
The so-called “Golden Rule” says, “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you” (based on Matt 7:12, although the concept is also found in Judaism and other religions). Paul applies that principle to the husband’s behavior towards his wife. Rather than abusing his “headship,” that is, his authority, he should accept responsibility for his wife’s well-being, just as much as he would for his own. Paul argues from the greater to the lesser. He first wrote about husbands sacrificing themselves for their wives, just as Christ died for the church. Now, if that is right, then husbands should at least put their wives on an equal footing with how they treat themselves.
The assumption is that a man already loves his body. He takes care of it and does not intentionally hurt it. He gives his body pleasurable experiences. When he is tired he rests it, when he is hungry he feeds it. When he has a weakness, as in a sprained ankle, he favors that side of his body. So too, the husband should provide these things for his wife. His goal as the head of the wife is not only his own enjoyment as “king of his castle.”
Paul gives more instruction here to the men than to the women—more is required of the husbands. Peter puts it this way, “You husbands … live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life…” (1 Peter 3:7). A man cannot look to his wife to be of equal strength, someone to be competed with—for he will end up dominating her, which is not at all Christ-like. In the fall of Adam and Eve, the curse included Adam’s tendency to “rule” over the woman like he would rule over the animal world (see Gen 3:16). But with a Christian marriage that should not be so. The husband provides leadership that treats his wife well—just like he would treat himself. Not in dominion over her, but loving her and looking out for her best interests. For a man, this is nothing short of submitting his fallen nature for the good of his wife.
Once again, the analogy of Christ and church is made. Christ “nourishes and cherishes” his body, the Church, of which we are all members. So men should not be passive, but do everything in their power to ensure that their wives grow in all areas of life.
Lord, I pray for the marriages around me, that they would live according to the model You have given us of Christ and the Church.
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