Like most people, my morning preparation for the day is not complete until I take a look in the mirror. My ritual is a little less intense than some since I have no head hair to fuss with. I pretty much look the same every morning, needing only to check that no buttons on my shirt are missed, my collar isn’t folded over wrong, and nothing hangs from my nose. Two side turns of my head, looking back from the corners of my eye, and my task is just about done. That’s how everyone will see me – at least, it’s how I imagine everyone will see me.

Video recordings, however, show me the unfortunate truth. I can see myself as others surely can, how I look from the side and from the back, how I walk and move, and my varying facial expressions or lack thereof. But in my mind’s eye, I persist in seeing the static image of myself that I’m used to in the mirror. For instance, some family members think I resemble my grandfather. I can’t see this resemblance in the mirror, but I notice it in the video recordings,  in my head shape, forehead slant, and lumbering walk.

In our image-conscious world, people want to control how others view them, and technology has moved us beyond the mirror to the ubiquitous selfie. The other day I saw a young girl posing with an outstretched hand, fingers wrapped around the phone pointing back at her. She tilted her head this way and that, positioning the phone at different angles, smiling in various ways, demurring, and then puckering her lips in an air kiss. She flashed a “V” sign as she cycled through different poses to find the right look: fun-loving, sexy, sophisticated, or disinterested. It was quite entertaining to watch. Afterward, she sat down and studied the images captured—and I suspect that she photo-shopped the “best” of the bunch to get the absolutely best picture to post on Instagram, Facebook, or wherever the world was eagerly waiting to see this fabulous example of beauty.

While we may not personally relate to this story, we all make efforts at some level to present ourselves in an attractive way to others. Fortunately, God sees the real inner person, not just the outward image. Take the example of Israel’s first king. When Israel saw that the other nations had something they did not have, they bowed to “peer pressure” and demanded that God give them a king of their own. They wanted a tall, good-looking man, so that is what God gave them in the person of King Saul, the image of greatness. When Saul’s lack of character led to his downfall, God sent the prophet Samuel to appoint a replacement. The first one Samuel considered also carried the stature and image of a great leader. However, the Lord nixed that one with the following warning:

“Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Sam. 16:7)

Why do we spend so much time focusing on how we look when our character and behavior are far more important? Yes, our fellow humans do make judgments based on outward appearances. We may never be free from that, this side of heaven, but our behavior will also influence their judgment of us. There is a better way than spending excess time in front of the mirror, creating endless selfies, or relying on our appearance. Years ago, Dale Carnegie wrote a classic book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” But King Solomon, who wrote the book of Proverbs, was way ahead of him on this:

Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man. (Prov. 3:3–4)

Do we want to impress others? We should develop the character of kindness (how we treat people) and integrity (truth that permeates our character at every level). In making this our primary goal in relationships, we will influence how others see us, and we will become more like Jesus, of whom the NT writes: “Jesus kept increasing in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” (Luke 2:52).

I have a poignant childhood memory of a remarkable woman. She was a work associate of my father, who was well-liked by everyone, and I met her at an office party in our home. While most of the adults ignored me, she engaged me in conversation. As a young teen, I recognized her kindness, and I was puzzled. I was becoming aware of which members of the opposite sex were attractive to me and which were not—she seemed lacking in all the physical qualities I would, at that adolescent age, associate with beauty. Yet, I was attracted to her because of how she treated me. Lesson learned—inner character has a greater and more lasting influence than outward appearance.

Well, I have never had the problem of being considered good-looking, despite my attempts at swagger and sideway looks in the mirror—I don’t have much to work with physically! But inwardly and relationally, I want to become more like Jesus. God left us with no physical images of Jesus, despite claims about the Shroud of Turin and the fanciful renderings conceived by artists through the last two thousand years. Our Lord’s attractiveness is not in His outward appearance but in His character.

Lord, may I reflect Christ so that others see Him in me.