²³ There was reclining on Jesus’ bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved.

Stark contrast with the betrayer, we find the disciple “whom Jesus loved.” Could this be the author’s method of making sure the reader sees the contrast. He knew Jesus loved him, there was no doubt as he penned this account. But that would seem too finitely human to think John would be making a personal statement of his own fidelity here. Rather, we believe the unflinching purity of motives here, as controlled by the authorship of the Holy Spirit. John was indeed beloved by Christ, but that did not give him any sense of superiority over the rest. To be sure at the time, there may have been some rivalries, as when he and his brother James desired the positions of prominence in the coming kingdom. But those feelings were long gone by the time John wrote this gospel account on the island of Patmos, some 60 years later, and from a point of theological reflection.

It may seem odd to describe the situation as John “reclining on Jesus’ bosom.” But the custom of eating in those days often involved the dinner guests reclining on the floor, with body and feet extended away from the low dinner table. Typically, individuals would support their upper body on one elbow while eating. So it is easy to imagine John leaning back onto Jesus’ chest.

While this verse is clearly a setup for what comes next, that is, Peter asking John to interview Jesus privately about the identity of the betrayer, we must spend time contemplating the significance of John’s including this detail. The intimacy the disciples experienced was one of committed love—not theirs but Jesus’. John’s self-image was that of “one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved.” This is the same word for Jesus’ love for “His own” (plural) expressed at the beginning of this Upper Room narrative (John 13:1). Jesus loved them all with an “agape” kind of love. Loyal, committed, sacrificial. He loved them ultimately, and this would be fully demonstrated soon (see Romans 5:8). So whatever we say about John’s self-reference, we should come short of saying the Lord loved John more than the others.

What we can say is that John saw himself not in terms of his loyalty to the Lord (like Peter who vowed to defend Jesus to the death), but in terms of the Lord’s love for him (i.e. John). He continually saw himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved” (see also John 19:26, 20:2, 21:7, 20). We all, who are blood-bought children of God, can say with John that we are disciples whom Jesus loves. It is all about His love for us, not our loyalty to Him. We are His beloved.

Lord, though I strive to serve and love You with all my heart, it is You who first loved me and I rest in Your love. I too, like John, am Your beloved disciple.