Paul’s personal mission statement presented a quandary known only by those fully committed to Christ. The desire to be with the Lord in eternity is overwhelmingly compelling. That is the driving force, like that of a lover who desperately desires to see the one he loves. It is sometimes said there is nothing more distracting than being around a young man separated from his fiancée. So, Paul had a constant anticipation of his betrothal (though he didn’t specifically use the language of John’s “marriage supper of the Lamb,” Rev 19:9, yet he wrote of the husband/wife relationship of Christ and the church in Eph 5). For him personally, nothing would be better than to die and finally be united forever with the Lord whom he had served and whom he loved.

But, here is the rub. What was for him the greatest thing, would result in deprivation for the believers. His mission on earth was not yet complete. The pull toward heaven was counteracted by his pull toward earth. He had a real love for the believers whom he had won to Christ and whom he had discipled—and for the churches he had planted. His ministry was of continuing great value. For him personally, it would be better to be done with this life and to be with the Lord forever. But for the believers it would be better for him to remain among them, ministering as he had always done.

It is not as though Paul had a real choice here, but he does state his quandary as though it were. It is possible that being in prison (not his first time by any means) and with advancing age, the easy thing would be to just give in and stop trying to serve people so much. Many Christians do go into “cruising” mode as they get older, where they stop pursuing Christ and His love for people. They become so “heavenly minded” they are no longer any “earthly” good. For Paul, his primary motivation was not ultimately what was good for himself—whether that be enjoying the Lord’s immediate company or even the rewards awaiting him in heaven. In fact, his love for people led him to write, “For I could wish that I myself were accursed, separated from Christ for the sake of my brethren, my kinsmen according to the flesh… (Rom 9:3). Does that not sound like Christ portrayed on the cross? He did become a curse for us (Gal 3:13). Paul was willing to live and die for the sake of helping people find life.