Have you ever been in an argument where other people try to box you into a corner with a false entrapment? They throw the kind of question at you that no matter how you answer, it will be wrong. Or they thrust a seemingly “water-tight” argument on you to prove you are a hypocrite. It could be an attempt to get you to use wording that will ignite a chorus of ridicule, or it may be an erudite-sounding assertion meant to confuse you, muddying the waters to throw you off from seeing the fallacy of their argument. In its simplest form, they mix up a word salad that has no substance in relevant or rational thought.

The wisdom of Solomon, recorded in the Book of Proverbs, tells us about dilemmas like this that point to the “no-win” uselessness of such arguments:

Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will also be like him. Answer a fool as his folly deserves, that he not be wise in his own eyes. (Prov. 26:4–5)

In other words, there are times to speak up to shut down a foolish argument, and there are times when it is the better part of wisdom to shut up and not respond at all. Either way, as a friend of mine says, when the mud flies, everyone gets splattered. We need wisdom from God to know when it is time to respond or not. Solomon rejoins:

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven … A time to be silent and a time to speak. (Eccl. 3:1, 7b)

We must add faith to our efforts at wisdom, which gives us patience; then we are motivated to side with wisdom regardless of whether or not we “win” the immediate argument. We must look past the question of whether we look “wise” or “foolish” today, and instead look to the verdict of tomorrow, next week, next year, or well into the future. This is what Jesus taught when He responded to the “no-win” criticism of the Pharisees against Him:

“They are like children who sit in the market place and call to one another, and they say, ‘We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not weep.’ For John the Baptist has come eating no bread and drinking no wine, and you say, ‘He has a demon!’ The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ (Luke 7:32–34)

Jesus’ response to their sophomoric antics was pointed, appealing to the self-authentication of wisdom in the long term that their argument would prove utterly ridiculous. Jesus put it this way:

“Yet wisdom is vindicated by all her children.” (Luke 7:35)

It is like God winking at us amid our conflict, intimating, “Just hold on, and you, with everyone else, will see the great results of your wisdom.” So, with an adroit metaphor, Jesus refers to the future results of acting and speaking wisely as the offspring of wisdom. Like produces like, wise thinking will result in wise living, producing wise results.

On one level, arguing with a foolish person who does not care about truth but only about winning an argument, is a no-win situation. Yet, on this more profound level about which Jesus speaks, living a life of wisdom will prove itself in the long run. The fool will exhibit the consequences of his foolishness by the limp sustained from continually shooting himself in the foot, or the limitations of bad circumstances from falling into the traps he set for others (and the many, many other consequences identified in the book of Proverbs for fools who speak and act foolishly). But the person who holds his peace and avoids arguing with the fool, who acts and responds wisely, will be proven right over time. The results of his life choices will vindicate him.

A simple application of this is to surrender the last word in a no-win argument to the other person. It is a humble but powerful way to convey that their words do not convince you, nor are you acquiescing to their opinion. For example, at a time when an interaction turns from dealing with the truth to becoming illogical, distorted, and combative, here is a simple statement to bring the endless discussion to an end, to stop answering a fool according to his folly:

“I believe we have made our points clear, and I see no need for more clarification. I will allow you to have the final word, and I won’t respond any further after this.”

The clear inference is that their argument does not convince you and you are confident enough in truth that you don’t need to keep reiterating, clarifying, trying to convince, reacting, adding emotion, pointing out illogic, etc. It simply says, “I am done with this discussion, you may continue if you like, but I won’t be listening and interacting anymore.” It is a grace you extend to yourself and the other person, yet it is gloved with strength and confidence. I have counseled others in this “method” of bringing an argument to an end, and the common result is that nearly always, the other person does not respond any further, and the interaction is over.

Of course, many disagreements and conflicts are multi-layered, and some resolution needs to be made over differences. But for those times when the discussion becomes fruitless and endless, it just needs to be shut down. May the Lord give us all wisdom to avoid acting the part of a fool as we try to win a foolish argument.