¹My son, if you have become surety for your neighbor, have given a pledge for a stranger, ²if you have been snared with the words of your mouth, have been caught with the words of your mouth, ³do this then, my son, and deliver yourself; since you have come into the hand of your neighbor, go, humble yourself, and importune your neighbor.

This passage of Proverbs seems to suggest we turn a blind eye to others in financial need. The terms “surety” and “pledge” refer to taking on the obligations for another person’s financial decisions, particularly in a bind or legal arrangement. When the debt comes due, and the person can’t pay it back, then we are left on the hook to pay it for them. Shouldn’t we be willing to love the person by taking on the risk and, if needed, the payment of their debt and liabilities? Afterall, didn’t Jesus pay the debt for our sin?

Lest we write such thinking off as the product of an oversensitive conscience, we must carefully understand the teachings of Proverbs and how they fit into God’s grand scheme for living life. Yes, there may be times when out of an abundance of our resources, we provide a gift to help someone out of their dire financial straits. However, no Scripture stands by itself, independent of all others. Proverbs provides a balance, in the context of wisdom, instructing us not to foolishly overextend ourselves and our resources. In simple terms, we should not stupidly confuse love with enabling another person’s foolishness at our own expense.

Covering another person by taking on the consequences of his or her foolish decisions is not love. No, that is multiplying foolishness: we suffer their consequences, and we deprive them of consequences that will help deter them from future foolishness. The person may receive temporary relief from accountability, but we receive nothing whatsoever, apart from a false sense that we are acting in love. Instead of that person paying the consequences of being enslaved to foolishness, we foolishly enslave ourselves!

The book of Proverbs repeatedly warns us to avoid this situation (see, for example, Prov. 11:15, 17:18, 20:16, 22:26, 27:13). But here in our passage today, we are instructed how to get ourselves out of the situation once we are in it. We must humble ourselves and try every means to get the person to release us from the obligation. This is humbling because it is begging, swallowing our pride—we have no legal recourse. The person will most likely push back with comments such as, “But you promised,” or lay on a manipulating guilt trip: “But I will go to jail if you don’t help me.” If the arrangement is legal, there is no way to avoid this difficulty. If we become “surety” for someone, we find ourselves with no easy options. The teaching here should lead us to avoid getting into this situation to begin with; this is the general principle.

But what about within family? We note that our passage deals with “neighbors” and “strangers.” There may be times when, for example, a father may judiciously co-sign on a car loan with a son or daughter, knowing full well that he (the father) has the resources to cover the obligation. But even in this situation, the wise thing would be to consider the child’s level of maturity and responsible behavior in response to parental training in wisdom. Smart parenting would recognize foolishness in the child and lead the parent to act very carefully.

Lord, continue to teach me wisdom that I might act in discretion when I feel pressured to help others financially.