²⁵ He, leaning back thus on Jesus’ bosom, said to Him, “Lord, who is it?”

John was in the privileged position, at the side of the Lord Jesus in the Upper Room, close enough to lean back against Jesus as they reclined around the dinner table, as was customary in those times. Any joviality was quickly replaced by ominous dark clouds. Matthew, one of those in the room, remembers the introspection caused by Jesus’ comments about betrayal, as he wrote, “Being deeply grieved they each one began to say to Him, ‘Surely not I, Lord?’” (Mt 26:22). The NIV puts it this way, “Surely, you don’t mean me?” The NLT has it, “Am I the one, Lord?” The reason for variety in translation is that they are all encompassed in the original language here. The disciples all were asking the question, but expecting, yea hoping, for a negative response.

Clearly, the hint of self-doubt or at the least the hint that Jesus might have doubted them was in the air. Unimaginable and completely unexpected. Each vouched for his own loyalty by stating the incredulous, almost while beginning to doubt Jesus: “How could You doubt my loyalty to You? Don’t You know, don’t You see how much I have sacrificed to follow You? I can’t believe You would think that about me. You don’t, do you?” Couple that with the natural self-doubt most people carry about, especially those in the presence of someone far superior to themselves. Jesus was leaving them hanging and it was simply not tolerable.

John alone among the gospel writers remembers the intimate details recorded in our passage today, probably because only he and Peter may have been privy to it. Maybe the plan was to whisper to Jesus in a side, quiet conversation—so in case it was to be one of them whom Jesus suspected, they could deal with this privately, away from the hearing of the others. Be that as it may, an answer must be found to who the betrayer was.

John doesn’t record the self-doubts of all the others, but only the question he asked of the Master, “Lord, who is it?” Who is the guilty party that would so treacherously betray the Lord they had all come to love and and for whom they had sacrificed so much? What John and Peter would do with the knowledge we can only surmise.

But they weren’t afraid to ask. It must have been a hard question to ask. The unity and camaraderie of this band of men was about to be forever disrupted. It would never be the same again. Disloyalty when found irreparably changes everything. Little did they know that the answer to the question was someone whose name would forever be associated with betrayal.

Lord, thank You that in Your love, You are always loyal to me.